A group of five Merseyside widows, all in their 70’s, have written a book about their lives, losses and finding meaning again through their connection with each other.
Their book, New Life After Death, came to fruition after the women met at a widows’ social event; they instantly connected and began to form the idea of writing their stories in the hope to help others who have lost their partners.
“We started meeting every month or so for two years and it was just fantastic because we found that it was quite cathartic, we opened up to each other, and we got to know each other” said Elaine Emmott.
The women arranged regular meet ups in the iconic Adelphi Hotel for two years to share and write their stories together.
Each of the women have their own unique experience of loss but all understand what coping with the death of a long-term partner feels like, Linda Crazen who came up with the idea of writing the book lost her husband very suddenly of a heart attack: “I was in shock for about 12 months I didn’t do anything, just took my dog for walks.”
Craven’s daughter began to worry and encouraged her to get out and about, she initially joined a walking group and eventually reached out to the local widow and widowers’ group, “I joined the group and was really nervous going but they were so friendly.”
Rose Fairhurst’s husband was unaware he had cancer and soon after receiving a late diagnosis during lockdown, he passed away. She said: “I’d made notes of the last six weeks of my husband’s life…so I had stuff that I could insert into the book, I found it really did help.”
Fairhurst describes the emotional process of writing her life story from her childhood to the present day: “I’m an only child, sometimes that was tough, but you know that’s all in the book, I lost a son as well that was tough so I just edged on that a little bit and then just gone through all of it, right down to where I am now, which is in a good place.”
Elaine Fisher was “heartbroken” and lonely after she lost her husband after a 46-year marriage, she decided to take the leap to join the group, “when I first went in I didn’t feel alone, which I was, but there was men and women and they were very thoughtful and kind and you could talk to them, where you can’t always talk to friends and family.
“I thought, right, this has got to be the way forward and it’s turned my life around and that’s when we decided to call the book New Life After Death,” said Fisher.
Mary Evans, whose husband also died very suddenly said that people around you often don’t know what to say and although many initially offer sympathy the longer-term grief can feel very lonely, “my house was like a florist, but once that died down and people get into their routines you’re looking around and the clothes are still there, his bikes were still there.”
All the women describe how finding each other and writing their stories has given them a new lease of life. Not only the emotional support and care they receive from each other, but the thriving social life they have found together from holidays to meals out to even dating again.
Their book hopes to inspire others who are struggling with loneliness and grief to reach out and find kindred spirits.
“We’ve all experienced death and loneliness and we thought, well, if we can get some warmth and closeness off others why shouldn’t other people come and have the same as what we’ve got,” said Fisher.
The five women chose to give themselves pseudonyms for their book as they were wary of public attention, but Elaine Emmott says they have grown in confidence since receiving such a supportive response to the book.
New Life After Death is available to buy on Amazon or to order in Waterstones
(Rose -alias Annie, Mary – Blodwyn, Elaine E – Liz, Linda-Lilly, Elaine F- Josephine)
Link to Liverpool widowers and widow friendship group here
(Featured image by Claire Berry)
